Players formerly known as Champions (now ranked between 20 - 10000000) : Juan Carlos Ferrero

Sometimes I see Juan Carlos Ferrero on the last court practicing, and I remember that he had always been quiet but his hype and fan base hadn't been. Jon Wertheim at si.com talked about seeing him unheralded on court 18. I saw that too, and couldn't help but remember that he had once reached at least the semis at the French for four years in a row (including at his debut). In 2003, he became number one, reached the Aussie quarters after the Sydney final, he reached the fourth round of Wimbledon (losing in five sets to Grosjean, not bad for a "clay-courter,") He also won two Masters titles and reached the US Open final, where I was even surprised to see him walking after how much tennis he played to get that far.

So he had a dream year with so much potential, and now he's sorta wandering around the top 20. (And note that he hasn't won a title since 2003.) It seemed to fall into nothing out of nowhere: 0-3 in the Masters Cup. He seemed to rebound in Australia and Rotterdam.

And then the deadly disease: chicken pox.

It does sound a little pathetic, I think, no offense to JCF or anything. It would be one thing trace a demise back to say, the plague or anthrax. We didn't laugh when Tommy Haas dealt with his family's motorcycle accident or when Guga Kuerten hurt his hip. But the chicken pox? I had that, and sat in a tub of tomato juice and watched television for a couple weeks. George fucking Washington had pockmarks and then he became president. But Ferrero got it and flunked out of tennis.

The pox among other things too, I'm sure. But I just think its funny to talk about his deadly battle with the plague and disease and starvation. Ooops, I mean his fight against the POX.

But he was good, and I think he could have been the second coming of the Guga Messiah. But then Rafael Nadal showed up and Spain left him behind to quietly practice unheralded and alone.

I still support him. I think he deserves it, just for being an all-round good guy. I've seen him be really kind and patient fans, and didn't he once make out with Alex Corretja?


EDIT: i want to thank the person that shot and took the time to put this on the internet.















thirty.love1@gmail.com

menstennisforums.com

A lot of you email me about 'MTF,' which I never really had been to. Last time I went there, I thought my eyes were going to start to bleed, but I decided to give it another chance.

I went to menstennisforums.com expecting pedantic discussions of topspin forehands or a coverup for a Marat Safin fan fiction page, which is what I thought it was last time. I was ready to laugh at crazy tennis fans, players who considered themselves the next Nadal or people who sat around at work looking at shirtless pictures of Novak Djokovic (there’s a lot of them).

But that’s not really what it is at all. It’s a bizarre place, but by parts it was enlightening, amusing and informative. I did sit around and read a lot of fun name-calling between Nadal and Federer fans (how many rounds of debate can there be? apparently months worth.); oddly enough, their fans at MTF seem to hate each other more than Roger and Rafael do.

But they are a strange lot. Among the millions of inside jokes that they have, including the fact that at some point, they decided that Carlos Moya was some kind of religious figure (I still don't understand this), that Marat Safin should be nicknamed 'hippo' and that Oscar Hernandez (?) was the king of tennis. Everyone discusses players girlfriends, whether they smoke (SPOTTED: DAVID FERRER) and even which players were cuter as a baby. I guess I could also mention that the 2007 French Open final thread contained ___ posts or that people were on discussing tennis until 4 or 5 in the morning local time. And we could all sit here and laugh about people that were obsessed by players they didn’t know or a sport that some didn’t play.

But I guess we all have little obsessions, small fetishes that no one else would understand. And finding people that also recognize and understand those fixations is like finding an extended family, united by one interest that the rest of the world might laugh at.

And that’s what I saw. An extended family, whether arguing over Federer and Nadal or arguing over the hottest tennis player (Marat seems to reign undisturbed here, let's hope he can channel that in tennis matches). People from America, Bosnia, Serbia, Brazil, South Africa, India, France, Belgium and a million other places discuss current tournaments, woes of their national tennis coverage, their favorite players, the matches of the day – even discussing more serious matters, everything from car crashes to wartime experiences. I read about the bombing of Serbia, people recovering from diseases, the Polish reaction to the missile defense system in that country. Real friends, real discussions, real affection, all with people that they might never meet or talk to in person.

It’s a good source of information. There are articles in many different languages with someone always willing to translate them for you. Without it, I would never have learned about Richard Gasquet's supposed gay affair (everyone denies it, but stories like these have to believed on faith) or that Radek Stepanek and Martina Hingis were engaged (how beautiful and touching!!). Find your favorite player, and there are stores of information about them in individual sections.

When I finished skimming some sections, I felt oddly warm inside. Everyone wasn’t nice and everyone wasn’t smart, but most people were characters; at times I was learning a lot and at times, I was falling on the floor with laughter (particularly in places called ‘If the ATP were a gay bar, who would hook up with whom?’ and ‘The Grass is for cows, smoking, fodder, football pitches & anti-grass tennis Thread’). There are posters that have a future as models, tennis girlfriends (I hear of openings in the Safin box for hundreds of you), stand-up comics, and more legitimately as tennis journalists, writers and directors of tournaments. It’s a good place and while I wouldn't want to move there, I recommend visiting. I hear the trees are lovely in September.



thirty.love1@gmail.com

Nole

This is a post about Novak Djokovic, for no reason other than he's my new favorite tennis player. And he's my new favorite tennis player for no reason other than I think he's really funny. He wins a lot too, but mostly he's really funny. I used to think that Gael Monfils would become the next comedian standing and for awhile I thought that Roddick would step up (there's still time). I even thought Rafa would do it, until I discovered that its really not nice to laugh at other people's english.

But Novak Djokovic is really special. He has two beautiful Serbian tennis players in his posse (cast your vote: Ana or Jelena? which one is he "not dating"?), he's an excellent and yet his whole family still thinks his brothers are better, he had asthma and got it fixed (I fucking had asthma and I fucking used an inhaler, but I guess its hard to hit forehands and push-and-inhale at the same time) and he's bizarre.

I'm gonna keep editing this and adding to it, because with Nole (why do they call him Nole? why do people nickname people in weird ways? why not call him Nove?), the fun doesn't stop.

• everyone else loved this, but i thought the best part was his jig at the end, like ashlee simpson did. maybe he lipsynced this whole thing. maybe thats not even his chest: http://youtube.com/watch?v=voV4By6MODU

• headbanger: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9B1ImK4VBUY

• this is him getting his ass beat by a girl (ana, one that he's "not dating.") : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nAtVW0X8T4o

• this is him trying to cook something, a clip with the wonderfully pornographic title of 'novak's meat madness.' : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xTe_elf9r0
  

• there's a lot more, but I did skip all the fan fiction about him and richard gasquet.

EDIT: oh all right. i mean, if you're interested
http://darklucia.livejournal.com/12378.html#cutid1 (not only is he a ladies man, apparently he and richard have quite the affair to remember. which makes me terribly sad because it means that this gem of a video is completely untrue: http://youtube.com/watch?v=-ppssLz9xzU )

• I like him even more now because he likes to make fun of people, although I'm sure he calls it something nice like 'imitating rafael nadal.' personally i call it 'teaching rafael a lesson about picking your ass by mocking it in public'
  
  like in this clip from Wimbledon: http://youtube.com/watch?v=gzXyY8jebwU

thirty.love1@gmail.com

Leaving Paris

1. Rafael Nadal won. There's really not much more to be said. The Hamburg loss was as irrelevent as most people thought (except maybe Roger). And watching him defeat Djokovic made it all the more clear that Nadal has put galaxies between himself and the other rising stars. Also that Nadal is barely a year older than Novak, and he's already won three Grand Slams. He might be the most phenomenal prodigy in tennis history.

2. 1st set: Davydenko leads Federer: 4-2, Roger serving 0-40. Nikolay failed to break.
2nd set: Davydenko leads Federer: 5-4, served for the set
3rd set: Davydenko leads Federer: 5-3, served for the set

final result: R FEDERER (SUI) def. N DAVYDENKO (RUS): 7-5 7-6 (7-5) 7-6 (9-7)

Federer looking vulnerable against Davydenko had to help Rafael's confidence in the final. Battle of the nerves.

3. Bad loss but an overall good run for the Russian. although I sometimes feel sorry for him: he plays almost every week, he's losing his hair, he has trouble securing endorsements, no one knows who he is even though he's in the top 5. So a semifinal at the French must be a good consolation prize.

4. Serbia made an excellent showing, until Jankovic and Djokovic burned in the semifinals. Ivanovic waited an extra round to do that.

5. Speaking of small countries and rising stars, hats off to Ernests Gulbis of Latvia. He managed to defeat Tim Henman, before losing to Albert Montanes (although not before taking a set off him).

6. Disappointing and crushing women's final, especially after Ana's strong start. But I really think that in the wave of Rafael's domination, Justine's is a little unheralded. She's equally dominant. And television coverage did an excellent job of chronicling every last known detail of her off-court personal life; I was really pleased to hear about every second of her dramatic comeback from her divorce and her personal fulfillment and rediscovery of her estranged family. (aka no one wants to know, and I'm sure Justine doesn't want us to know.)

7. Guga Kuerten presented the trophy and gave a little speech in french, which basically cemented everyone's love (is love even adequate anymore? I feel like this has escalated to full scale mania and obsession) of him. Has there ever been a more beloved tennis player? Next thing you know, he'll be UN Secretary General. And I believe that he would be perfectly legitimate.

8. basically:

1. Diego Hartfield (ARG) def. Robby Ginepri (USA): 6-4, 1-6, 5-7, 6-4, 6-2.
2. Igor Andreev (RUS) def. Andy Roddick (USA): 3-6, 6-4, 6-3, 6-4
3. Ivo Karlovic (CRO) def. James Blake (USA): 4-6, 6-4, 7-5, 7-5
4. Laurent Recourderc (FRA) def. Sam Querrey (USA): 7-6 (4), 2-6, 6-0, 6-7 (5), 6-3
5. Roger Federer (SUI) def. Michael Russell (USA): 6-4, 6-2, 6-4
   
6. Gilles Simon (FRA) def. Vince Spadea (USA): 2-6, 6-4, 6-4, 6-3
   
7. Juan Carlos Ferrero (ESP) def. Amer Delic (USA): 6-7 (5), 6-3, 6-3, 6-5
8. Juan Pablo Brzezicki (ARG) def. Robert Kendrick (USA): 6-1, 3-6, 6-2, 6-1
9. Nicolas Almagro (ESP) def. Justin Gimelstob (USA): 6-4, 6-4, 6-4
   

so that brings the final score to clay def. American men: 9-0. seriously though. is there NO WAY for the american men to at least win two matches? is that so hard to ask? Even the french men were able to do that, and they've practically got Yannick Noah tattooed on their backs.



I'll end with the collection of the un jour a roland karaoke videos. In case you missed it, there was a French TV show that asks players to submit themselves to public humiliation by singing/lipsynching on television in front of hundreds of thousands (maybe millions) of people. Some are successful, some are not. And if these videos are any indication, player parties must be dull until the Frenchmen get a few drinks in them and decide to take their clothes off.

UN JOUR A ROLAND:

Rafael Nadal (singing La Bamba): http://www.dailymotion.com/sportvideos/video/3504603

Novak Djokovic (ahhh the djoker, singing I will Survive): http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x23gzl_novak-djokovic

Roger Federer (Simply the Best): http://www.dailymotion.com/sportvideos/video/x23ual_federer-is-simply-the-best

Gilles Simon (Hot Stuff): http://ma-tvideo.france3.fr/video/iLyROoaft6o8.html

Tommy Robredo (something unintelligible in Spanish): http://ma-tvideo.france3.fr/video/iLyROoaft6ov.html

Florent Serra (I believe I can Fly. not very good, but the man in the back is surprisingly good at making out with himself): http://ma-tvideo.france3.fr/video/iLyROoaft6oM.html

Michael Llodra (Night Fever. after all, this is the man who once hid naked in a locker): http://ma-tvideo.france3.fr/video/iLyROoaftQgu.html

Elena Dementieva (Lady Marmalade): http://ma-tvideo.france3.fr/video/iLyROoaftQg7.html

Alize Cornet (something in french.): http://ma-tvideo.france3.fr/video/iLyROoaftQgU.html

Justine Henin (something french) : http://ma-tvideo.france3.fr/video/iLyROoaftQk9.html

Marcos Baghdatis (Sex Bomb) : http://ma-tvideo.france3.fr/video/iLyROoaftQkw.html

Serena Williams (some rap song, it's very....'bootylicious.' for lack of any better word to describe it.): http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x265m6_serena-williams-fait-son-show

Ana Ivanovic (upside down.): http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x26ts1_ana-ivanovic-upside-down

The Best of 2007 (really, there's no need to watch every single one. this one really does pick the best.): http://www.dailymotion.com/sportvideos/video/3726083

The Best of 2006: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Bte2iKh83s


onward to london!
last one to Big Ben is a Vince Spadea!



thirty.love1@gmail.com

The Tennis Channel, part 2.

Some people were a little angry about my remarks about the Tennis Channel, so I'd like to write a little rant about it and about Tennis magazine and all the other channels of information in the sport.

The problem with the entire sport is that it is one of the most elite sports in the world. Spare me the bullshit about poor marketing and bad television scheduling. The reason people don't follow tennis or why it is declining in America (and I'll speak for my country because it's the only system I know) is because the oppurtunity for major success is buried in country clubs and expensive academies.

In preparation to write this, I spent an entire day asking people about their experience with tennis. And without expectation, people will say that they enjoy the sport, they love to play. And also they will say that they don't really follow to sport, maybe able to name a few pros here or there. A Harris Poll this year shows that tennis has fallen in popularity since 1986. men's tennis ranks right above track & field and horse racing; women's tennis is above bowling. TERRIBLE results for an accessible sport played year-round, televised often, possessing lots of money, with numerous stars.

Knowing all this, I have just switched on the Tennis Channel, and a show called Destination: Tennis is on. Right now, I'm being told about a vacation in a beautiful place I can't afford, about packages I can't afford, about hits with pros I can't afford. I wouldn't afford to sleep on the roof at any of the places they're telling me about. I don't feel like a part of this sport. It's the same feeling I got between showings of the French Open on that channel, when I saw Murphy Jensen stay in hotels I couldn't afford. He even stayed in hostels I couldn't afford!

I feel a little bit the same about Tennis magazine. First off, it's incredibly dull. The jokes are cheesy, the articles are boring, the advertisements are in the millions. but it assumes that we want to know about academies and vacations that are well out of our budget. I always laugh when they write about tennis getaways that are $300 dollars a night, as if they're steals! maybe if you steal your neighbor's wallet, but not in any other way.

I know there are some changes being made, particularly in the form of free clinics by pros or in schools and community centers. That's why I'm disdainful of the players at tournaments that refuse to sign autographs or take pictures. And that's why I'm such a fan of players like Fernando Verdasco and the Bryan brothers, who are so willing to embrace the crowds of people that paid to see them and enjoyed their show and supported them. We don't need to be a big show like Djokovic or Roddick or Sharapova; we don't just want to be a necessary platitude in victory speeches.

I'm not some poor bum on the side of the road. I'm not even homeless. I'm not even hungry. I'm just pretty normal. And the people I took tennis lessons with were normal. The people in my high school, the people in my college, the people in my town: all normal.

We can't afford to watch thousands of dollars in vacations on tv. we just want to watch tennis. we just want to know about the players. we aren't members of the sports or the system or the tour. we want an escape. and everytime we watch the outlets that are supposed to help us, we're reminded of how distinctly we're not really part of this world. Sport is a river, and we all need to be in it. The problem in tennis is that most people are just sitting on the banks, watching it go by.


thirty.love1@gmail.com

Tomorrow = Vive La France!

I pick Rafael to win. I'm a rebel, I know.

Rafael def. Roger. not in straights. I know we're all still shellshocked from Hamburg, but it's a fluke. I still don't think Federer can get the game together at a Slam where Rafael has never lost a match.
I think Canas and Djokovic in the semis. I'm going to start picking Djokovic at everything, because he's certainly on his way to being a certainty. I like to jump on the boat early.

Henin def. Sharapova in the final
Ivanovic in the semis, Jankovic in the semis.

Other predictions:

• breakout Serbian Slam

• Carlos Moya in the quarters, losing to Nadal (Moya's draw looked like a kindergartner picked it). Although, knowing Carlos Moya, he could just as easily miss every first serve, net every backhand and go out in the first round.
  
• no Americans past the fourth, and I think I'm being generous
• I think Justine-S.Williams quarterfinal will be nice
• Canas to cement his suspension. Canas is awesome, isn't he? It's like suspending a kid and then having him return to give the valedictory address.
  

i love tennis, but this is not a very exciting time if you like upsets and shocks and scandal.

Beating Roger Federer

Carlos Moya just did it.

By playing doubles.




Nadal/Moya def. Federer/Wawrinka: 6-4, 7-6.


At first I thought this was a practical joke, but then I actually watched it, and realized that this match was basically like a backup singles match. Not that I'm saying Wawrinka and Moya are handicaps, but I think Rafa was just proving to Roger that he really does own him on clay. Pretty soon, Nadal's gonna be walking Roger around on a leash.

Carlos Moya wore capris too. Moya looked dumb, and I thought Rafael already copyrighted those. At the rate they're handing out these pirates, they should have just cancel tennis and let Captain Jack Sparrow play. Although, just to be nice to Carlos Moya, he was the only one who didn't lose serve. Pretty good for someone that alternates his days between the retirement home and the disco.

Federer said that he didn't take it seriously in an interview afterwards. I think he should that after every loss. "i didn't take it seriously." I guess it works for Serena Williams.

Rafa actually didn't seem as mean as usual. He's a really weird person, I think. Sometimes he does all these things that makes you think that he's about six years old, then he gets on court and you think that he might punch your face in with those biceps and murderous stares.

People get really defensive about Moya and Wawrinka for some reason (some fangirl sent me a rabid email about how Moya was hot and a really good tennis player, etc.) , so I take everything I said back. Moya/Nadal def. Federer/Wawrinka. "Wawa" was coming back from serious injury, Moya played pretty well, Rafa was really nice, Roger hit some phenomenal shots, they all had fun and went out for a lively game of parcheesi and crumpets afterwards. See how boring that is?

highlights, capris, moya beating federer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSKeQo0bQAI



I wish doubles were more popular, because it really is fun. No one watches it on TV, but its because it isn't on TV (not even on the ever-valuable and phenomenally interesting and completely reliable tennis channel) . But whenever I've seen it live, people get really excited. I think I saw the Bryan brothers give people heart attacks (maybe just each other; bumping chests like that has to be dangerous at some point). They really love their sport too; when the ATP cheapened it with all their new efforts to make it shorter with more drama and fanfare (maybe they thought it was a circus or something), opponents and rivals alike came together in support of their livelihood.

I hope that this kind of match encourages doubles to be aired and watched more often. Because Doubles is so good, it brings people back from cancer.

thirty.love1@gmail.com